prelims are over. how i've faired is inconsequential really. just a gauge, accurate or not, as we begin the leg towards what really matters, what we've been working towards all these 2 years. its really now or never. make or break. dance is really killing me, i have no idea how this is gna affect my work. i guess some mistakes just have to be made regardless of knowing them or not. still, i swear this shall not be like sec 4, no deja vu or whatever, i will not fuck up.

it's coming. too fast. prelims that is, and well everything else for that matter. yet the anxiety to mug just isn't here right now. still, i'm somewhat relived i actually got down to some serious work. if i can keep up the momentum then maybe next week will be a nice week. in other news, i'm some crazy guy who's doing a da:ns performance 8 days before ibs, so we'll see how that goes as well. the need to keep dancing seems to transcend the academic rut that i seem to be in right now. but we've all got 24 hours a day, so why not. right?

keane was good stuff la. much better than what i was expecting really. the played pretty much all their good songs and to effect, i'm still probably not gonna listen to their newer tracks though. i'll upload my lousy photos sometime in the future. bed now, school later.

when life throws at you the opportunity to shine, you shun. and only when you it's dead and over, do you then really yearn for it. or so it seems. the foa week really reminded me of everything i enjoyed in dancing, and i've been having that tinge of regret which grew greater and greater everyday towards tonight of not performing certain items. what a bad decision on hindsight. today, i felt once again, and perhaps (quite likely) what it was to be on stage. to live on adrenaline and the thrill of the performance. though i didn't really perform much, i guess i'm going to miss all this. all the work and effort put in just to live it up on stage for that precious couple of minutes. especially, the friendships made through it all. i just don't understand why time passes so quickly, from the top of the first page to the end of the last day. i wouldn't trade the foa week for a free week to study ioc anytime. for real. well i guess just thank God it's over, and well when it's over, it's over.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, awesome job everyone.

in this one week, i have to accomplish the impossible. 18 unrehearsed extracts in 7 days, amidst the dance practices happening everyday till friday. it is so. not. happening.

lyrical hip hop's dahh shitttzzxzzxzxxzxzxzxzzxzz


really.

was what i had for supper today.

so yes, the exams are drawing to a close. with math on monday. please fetch me 35 pts and above. okay i don't know what i want to say here. i just know that i wanted to write about my expensive apple juice, but yeah its in the title. so yeah. school's ending in 4 months++! so fast huh. okay actually not that very fast, but still quite. like i don't even know the whole cohort yet. hahaha like i ever will. so anyway, life's been well okay. so to speak. i need to start studying more and stop wasting my time on nonsense. like restaurant city and my nocturnal endeavours. which reminds me, i gotta go sound the hunter's horn now. i'm an apprentice now. quite owning la, given that i started like end of the hols? but yeah, ephemeral stuff not really worth mentioning in detail. okay i'm tired, off to bed. got so much math to do tomorrow, but i so doubt i'll do much if any at all.

and hello common tests. the next two weeks is really good game seeming that i haven't really read much except econs. and even that seem to be a half hearted attempt at revision. and my many many IAs! omg. they're back to haunt me now. so right now, i've got say a day break in between each major mugging paper. so the plan now is to cram as much as possible in a day each per subject. hahah, if i do better than last year's common test which i'm quite sure i studied at least 10281808 times more,

i'll laugh.

i think i'm falling ill.

i totally despise myself for how i have behaved and reacted over the holidays. i know as much as i didn't intend for such to occur, i take full responsibility. life is such, you think you got the hang of it and everything you want goes according to plan for 1 sec and next it's totally messed up. both figuratively and literally. if there's any figuratively. you might realise i might not have much sense in me to write a proper post at this hour, but i think i can. in fact, its one of my most honest most non discreet posts ever.

the holidays have never been such a bummer. even while i was mugging away like last year. companionship is key at my point of life, and every companion seems to point at the night life. i've made mistake after mistake, regret after regret. still i am at it, until tonight. today makes me realise you are never really alone in the world. life gets back everyone, no matter how jubilant and carefree they may seem. how dubious my post may seem, when maybe i may just be talking about myself.

life sucks, i regret my actions, i hate my character. i hate my inability to cope to problems of my own and the failure to exhibit maturity towards dealing with such problems. in the past weeks i have encountered every problem in the book as far as i am concerned but yet, i am sure that that is not the end of the whole story. perhaps, i hope, along the way, or whatever the rest of my ib life may foretell, there will be close friends, companions, that would hopefully put me along the right path towards my ultimate goal.
maybe late nights are for other people, those less civilised, less educated and more wild. or rather, those with more self control, but who am i to judge. i promised i would change, but the fact remains is that i am who i am. i will pay for my actions. one i would grow to and have already grown to regret. what is left, the fact that perhaps in the next three days i might to do some damage repair to my fucked up life. god damn. save me.

i may delete this post later on, upon seeing how absurd it sounds on afterthought. but yeah.

well, today i found out that a blazer at ted baker can cost SGD2,048. insane.